The holidays can bring tension for families when college students return home.

The problem comes because of differing expectations of parents and their now adult offspring.

"The winter break is the first extended time at home for most freshmen since they left for college in the summer," says Karen Levin Coburn, associate vice chancellor for students and dean of the freshman transition at Washington University in St. Louis. "The first semester at college may have been their first glimpse of freedom. They wonder if it is possible to go home and still maintain their newfound independence."

Coburn co-authored the book, "Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to Understanding the College Years." It has sold 300,000 and is in its fourth printing, Newswise reported Thursday.

Coburn offers some tips that center on awareness of how things have changed for getting through the holidays.

"Parents should not be shocked when students come home with bags under their eyes," Coburn said. "Most students have just finished finals, they are exhausted and they may sleep a lot the first day or two. Parents who have invested money and energy in their children's education may not understand the zombie re-entering their home."

Empty-nest parents might also discover that they miss their privacy and clean house.

"Though parents enjoy the reinvigorated hustle and bustle of family life, they may have moments of longing for the spontaneity and quiet of life on their own. Actually, that ambivalence is not unlike the ambivalence their child feels about being back home versus being on his or her own," Coburn said.